The Family Under Stress

Have you ever had experiences where you view a seemingly perfect and stress-free family and wonder why your family seems to have more hardships than they do? Then you get to know them. They tell you of their MANY hardships and stressors and you realize that they really do have a stressful and difficult family life?

I have.

Every family has hardships. Just like an individual, families go through periods of high-stress and low-stress. When a family goes through a stressor, or series of stressors, there are three basic outcomes:

1. Higher family maturity; long-term positive effects

2. Same level maturity; the family has coped

3. Lower level maturity; long-term negative effects

So, what are some good and bad ways for a family to cope?

Let’s start with Ineffective Coping Mechanisms.  (These are paraphrased from “Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy” by Robert Lauer and Jeanette Lauer)

Denial

Denial is deciding not to see a stressor for what it really is. This is harmful to a family and individual because it prevents anything from being done to solve or overcome the stressor.

Avoidance

Avoiding a problem will never produce a positive outcome, as ignoring a problem because of negative consequences now will produce more hardship down the road. It is important to take responsibility and work towards addressing the stressor.

Scapegoating

This is another way of saying blaming others. When I served my mission, the mission president’s wife always talked about the negative effects of blame and how we should never blame other people or other things for our situations. Blame cripples a person because they become unwilling to fix the issue or see their part in the act.

Now that we have talked about ineffective coping mechanisms, let’s talk about some Positive Coping Mechanisms.

Take Responsibility

This is the opposite of denial, avoidance, and scapegoating because the person recognizes that there is a problem, they don’t blame others, and they approach the issue healthily. Taking responsibility empowers a person to act and help the situation. It also allows for a healthy view of the crisis by helping the person not view themselves as a victim—hurt, oppressed, exploited, in pain, helpless, etc. Many times, people are not responsible for a stressor to their family, but they can create a game plan for helping them and their family to not have a victim outlook.

Affirm Your Own and Your Family’s Worth

Having a healthy view that you and your family can overcome challenges and stressors will help all of you to do so. On my mission I learned the principle that we are self-fulfilling prophecies. If we believe that we will be unsuccessful, we will be unsuccessful. If we believe that we have the skills necessary to do hard things and be successful, we will use those skills to do hard things and be successful. Stressors are hard on self-esteem, and I have found it helpful to remember God’s perfection and love when I am unable to find it for myself.

Balance Self-Concern with Other-Concern

Lauer & Lauer say that “The totally self-focused life is as self-destructive as the totally other-focused life.” We must be able to remember to serve others, but we cannot serve others when we don’t have anything to give. When we are too focused on our own suffering and can’t see the struggles of our family members, then we will miss out on opportunities to strengthen relationships and might even damage them.

Find and Use Available Resources

There is an abundance of resources offered to families in different communities. The resources that are offered differ from place to place, but extended family, religious beliefs, friends, books, self-help groups, and therapists are just some places to start.

Learn the Art of Reframing

To reframe means to change your perspective on a situation. This does not include changing the stressor, but simply finding another way to categorize it. This goes hand-in-hand with learning how to not view yourself as a victim, but as someone who can act and change their situation.

What are some of the coping mechanisms that help you overcome stressors?

Marital Transitions

As you can tell by my picture, I am recently married to Daniel, and we've been married for about a year. As a young girl I thought of being married often and looked forward to the experience of dating, getting engaged, and then marrying the man of my dreams.

And guess what? Marriage is awesome. It's living with your best friend and having a companion for the rest of your life who knows you and you know them. It's building a stronger connection with your companion and giving all of yourself to them and accepting all of them in return. It's going through life with someone you love :)

That being emphatically stated, it is important to know that not all of marriage is happiness, rainbows, and ease. Both partners are imperfect and bring into marriage those imperfections. They also are bringing their family of origin's 'norms' and many times the norms clash.

No amount of dating can prepare you (or should prepare you) for the transition to marriage. It's meant to be an adjustment that a husband and wife go through together. The transitions and decisions can be hard, but if a husband and wife pull together, they will come out of the transitions stronger. It is important that a couple goes through the transitions and decisions intentionally.

In order for a couple to make these decisions intentionally, I will go through some of the transitions a couple will go through as they get engaged, married, and have their first baby. I have also added some commentary on what opportunities for growth a couple has during these transitions and some things they should consider.

Engagement
Proposal

Grooms have a great opportunity here to show their dedication to their future spouse. Many times a man will propose after both of them have talked about marriage and decided that they want to marry each other. I propose that a man propose to a woman before he knows her answer. This could create a special experience by showing that he is willing to commit himself to her without the condition that she be willing to commit herself to him first. 

Wedding Planning

Normally the bride plans the wedding with her mother, but there are those that suggest that the bride and groom should both be invested in the wedding planning. They have the opportunity to plan an event together, and this can give the other insight into their likes/dislikes and interests. This is also a good opportunity to talk about priorities and budgeting. It's not the bride's wedding, it's THEIR wedding. 

Marriage Planning

We normally think of wedding planning during the engagement, but I also think it is important for a couple to plan their marriage (what happens after the 4 hour celebration). This includes life goals, where they'll live, potential budgets, who works, expectations they have, etc. This is infinitely more important than wedding planning because this is planning and preparing for the rest of their lives together. 

Marriage - 1st Month
Sex

For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who have gotten married in the temple (as well as many others), they have waited to have sex with each other until after their sealing. After keeping this commandment of the Lord, they go from 0-100. This is an adjustment, and it's important that after the ceremony and throughout their lives they talk about their expectations and are sensitive to each other's needs and boundaries.

Money

Money issues are one of the main reasons that people divorce today. It is important that a married couple communicate about their money as well as a budget. When my husband and I got married, this topic occupied the bulk of many conversations, and we made it a priority to come to a consensus over our budget. This has blessed our marriage TREMENDOUSLY because we do not deal with the stress of having debt. We also build trust with each other and got to work together to plan for and reach our monetary goals. 

Schedules

My husband loves to wake up early (around 4:00am), and I am naturally a night-owl. One of our ongoing conversations is our schedules. It is important that a married couple communicate expectations regarding the amount of time spent together, and what their schedule will look like on a day-to-day basis. My husband and I use Google Calendar to sync our schedules and talk about them before every semester and then review them every Sunday or Monday. 

Food

I have told many people that my husband's love language is food, and it's true. Few things show more love to him than a well-cooked and ready to eat meal. A couple needs to communicate about where they'll shop, how much to spend on food, who cooks, who cleans, what meals they'll have together, etc. 

Setting Up House

My husband hates clutter and walking over things, so in our first week together we spent time simply organizing and decorating our apartment. This was great because we worked together to make our ideal living space. It was so exciting to go buy a dresser together and set it all up. 

Caring for Someone Else

Marriage is wonderful because it tests your love abilities and helps them grow. I know that love for a spouse is destined to grow throughout marriage. It is an adjustment to go from being aware of not only your own needs, wants, desires, and passions, but your spouses' as well. Taking time to ask them what is important to them and follow through with what you discover will strengthen your relationship. 

Friend Group

Although I dislike bringing up this subject, a couple must establish boundaries with friends. A rule that my husband and I have decided on is that we will not be alone with a member of the opposite sex (unless there's a talked over reason to be), even if they have been our close friend. It's a boundary that we simply won't cross. A couple also needs to decide how much time they will spend with friends, and what they don't want to talk about concerning their relationship with their friends and families. 

Home Responsibilities

Who is going to wash dishes? Who cleans? When does cleaning happen? These are all things a couple will need to discuss in their first month living together. 

Dating

Should you stop dating after marriage or engagement? No! Dates are essential to staying knowledgeable of your spouse and cultivating a healthy relationship. Dating is a planned activity that is set aside from other responsibilities. This is especially important when children are involved in the marriage. 

Marriage - 1st Year
Holidays/Extended-Family Time

Holidays are generally when those that have moved out of their home return to spend time with their family. This is hard to juggle in a marriage relationship because the couple now needs to decide how they will spend their holiday. Will they have an every-other-holiday arrangement? Will you spend some holidays just the two of you? How do your families feel about this? It is important to remember that you are now a separate family and they are your extended family. Do not let your extended families dominate your holiday time if it is unhealthy for your relationship. 

Traditions

This can be closely linked with holidays, and this is one of my favorite aspects of creating a new family. You get to create your own family traditions. Many times there are vast disagreements on traditions because you are bringing two different family cultures together. This is where you and your spouse get to decide what traditions you want to keep, and which you will discard. 

Values

No amount of dating will help you get to know your spouse completely. When you get married and go through life together, you begin to realize that you and your spouse bring closely-held values that simply didn't get mentioned during the dating process. When these values are brought up, be sure to talk about them thoroughly, patiently, and lovingly. 

Budget

I mention this one again because your budget will continue to change. Whether that be because of an increased income, graduating college, having a baby, etc, your budget will change frequently. Make sure to update and discuss this frequently to minimize financial strain on your relationship. 

Feedback

News flash: You aren't perfect! Your spouse isn't perfect! The world isn't perfect! You will dislike some things your spouse does, and they will dislike some things you do. Establish a good habit of communicating your feedback (include positive feedback) that minimized hurt feelings and shows each other respect. 

I hope this blog post helps! This is not a complete list of potential transitions, but it is a good one to get started with. 

Pre-Marriage Dating

Handsome boy meets beautiful girl...

and then they are inseparable. They spend all their time together and it seems that they are finally truly living their lives. It's all a blur of happiness. They find out they have the same interests and hobbies, and it seems like their partner meets all of their needs instinctively. All their troubles are resolved, and their stressors disappear. Some minor bumps may show up, but the message is clear: Their love overcomes all.

Does this sound familiar? When I was younger I watched movies like Cinderella that portrayed this "Happily Ever After" romance and grew up expecting romance to be similar. I was confused when it wasn't. I found that my perspective was skewed by the media and the truth is that love is a choice and it takes work. I found that my interests did not always coincide with my partner's interests. I found that obstacles come independent of our relationship status, and it takes more than love to overcome many obstacles.

Right now, the culture is such that we meet someone, hang out, they pronounce boyfriend/girlfriend status, and then they begin the courting phase where they get to know each other. However, statistics show that this is not the best way to go about dating.

So, what is a healthy way to meet and date a potential spouse?

One model was created by Dr. John Van Epp, and it is called the Relationship Attachment Model, or the RAM Model. He outlines five main areas that are essential to dating relationships: Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch. He proposes that we should know a person more than we trust them, trust a person more than we rely on them, and commit to a person more than we get physical, or touch, them. A good representation of this can be found here.

In our culture, hooking up is more common than dates, and it has been negatively affecting relationships. This is opposite of what the RAM model of dating calls for, and it has had a negative effect on relationships because their sexual activity has created a bond that is not backed by knowledge, trust, reliability, and commitment. Jim Gascoine says: "whether we like it or not, sexuality creates a bond between two people. So now we've got two individuals that are sexually active, and yet they really don't know if they can trust each other, if they can rely on each other, or what level of commitment is in the relationship. " If they want to pursue their relationship in a healthy way, they will have to create different habits and build their knowledge, trust, the amount they rely on each other, and their commitment to levels above their touch level.

So, how can we date people effectively?

First, I think it is important that we keep in mind that marriage is the ultimate goal of dating. It should be extremely fun, and we shouldn't raise our expectations of dating, but it is important to remember that you are searching for someone that you would like to spend you life with.

From what I've learned and seen, there are 4 different stages of the dating to marriage relationship. It works best when the couple know exactly in what stage they are in. When a couple blurs the stages of dating, they are not being as intentional in the relationship as they should be, and that can cause issues later in their marriage.

Dating. The first stage is dating. Dating is doing a variety of activities with a variety of people without any commitment. What does a date entail? According to Elder Dallin H. Oaks' talk called "Dating versus Hanging Out", it is an activity that is
1) Planned - It must be a designated activity that is planned ahead of time and is prepared for.
2) Paid For - One person (or both) know who is paying for the date.
3) Paired Off - The boy and the girl know they are responsible for each other during the duration of the date.
When in the dating stage it is important to remember that you should date a variety of people. The level of commitment is only the commitment to each other for the duration of the date. Your expectation should be to have fun and to get to know a person. This is when you can get to know your priorities in aspects of your future partner. Basically what you value in a future spouse.

Courtship. The second stage is courtship. This is when you become exclusive in your dating. You should still be going on dates, but the ideal is that there is a variety in the dates that you go on so you can see the person in varying environments and situations.

Engagement. At this stage, you have decided that you want to marry the person. Generally this stage is opened up by a proposal, and the more intentional you become in making the transition from courtship to engagement, the better.

Marriage. Marriage is the fourth stage, and it is definitely one to look forward to. :)

It's important to mention here that I think this is the most ideal way to go about dating a potential spouse. This is not the only way, and a marriage is not doomed if you have not followed this. But if you are in the dating stage and desire a formula for a good way to start a marriage and find a spouse, this is a great place to start.

I hope that this has helped, and that many people are able to start their relationships in the most ideal way. I know that dating is important and intentional dating is essential.

My Perspective on LGBTQ+ and the Gospel of Jesus Christ

In class this week we talked about how the current trends in gender identity and LGBTQ+ have an effect on families.
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are familiar with "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" presented by the leadership of the church in 1995. I was about 5 months old when it was presented, and I have heard many people my parents age talk about how they were confused that the leadership would feel a need to emphasize the family and restate what the Lord expects the world to strive for in family and what to steer clear of. My parents felt that it was well-known and common.
Looking back, I view the proclamation as a prophetic statement because of how much we need it today. When discussions of gender come up I quickly refer to the portion of the proclamation that says,

"Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose."

If this is true, and we are supposed to stay the gender that we were born into, it is possible that we need to do more research into why so many people are confused with their gender. There could be a societal reason why so many people are confused with their gender like the disintegration of families, strained relationships with parents, a lack of general interaction with others, etc. Even though I don't understand everything about why this is a growing phenomenon and why the Lord has declared gender to be eternal and important for our identity, I have chosen to trust in the Lord and believe that there are explanations and solutions.

Now I would like to address same-sex attraction. The proclamation begins with this sentence:

"WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children."

It has been long accepted and understood that marriage is between a man and a woman. It has only been recently that societies have become more accepting, and have been demanding more acceptance, of same-sex relationships. In class we discussed a theory regarding same-sex attraction that is well explained in this article. The theory is called the "Exotic Becomes Erotic", and states that children, whose personalities do not conform to their gender's norms, can view those of their same gender as exotic and different. When puberty comes around, it is possible for the exotic things to become erotic and sexualized. These feelings are often coupled with sexual abuse, pornography use, and a desire to be intimate (not necessarily sexual) with the same sex.
Through personal experience, I understand how real same-sex attraction is, and I know that it is something that many people struggle with. However, I know that the Lord has said that he does not endorse same-sex relationships, and that he endorses only marriage between a man and a woman. I have tried before to ignore little standards that the Lord has set, and it takes away meaning and purpose from my life. The most fulfilling times in my life are the times that I have obeyed the Lord and sought to strengthen my relationship with Him. He is the source of light and truth, and we live in a fallen world. It is important to search for truth through Him, and not through the voices that we hear in the media: really anyone who preaches things contrary to God's standards and doctrine. I know that Jesus Christ lives, and that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me. Knowing these two things and acting on that knowledge gives me freedom from sin and unrest. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is His church, and the doctrine will not change.

How Culture Affects Family

Right now I am taking a course about the country of Pakistan, and the first thing that my teacher taught us was that culture is difficult to define. There are many definitions out there that explain one part of culture, but not another. We use culture so much in our everyday language, yet we don't know exactly what it is. I have looked up many definitions of culture, and found that my favorite is Merriam-Webster's definition of culture. It states that culture is "the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group." This is a great definition because it includes racial, religious, and social groups.

So how does culture relate to families? Doesn't it just relate to the country and environment that the family lives in? I have noticed that each family has their own culture. In fact, their culture, or way of doing things affects their view of the world. In this way, families are the carriers of the culture that they live in, and they can perpetuate it throughout the generations.

So are cultures set in stone? If I look back at my family 12 years ago compared to my family now, I see a drastic change is culture. This, and the observation of other families around me, help me know that culture can be fluid, and we can change our cultures and traditions.

Here's an example. Have you ever gone to another person's home and tried to load their dishwasher? You start by loading it how you always have loaded it... with the Tupperware on top and the plates on bottom. Then they either change it after you have loaded and walked away or directly told you how barbaric you were for the way you loaded their dishwasher. Then later, they announce family prayer and you quietly fold your arms, but instead they want to hold hands?

These aspects of families are different from family to family, and are a strong part of their family culture. It is important to understand that each family has their own culture, or else we end up getting married and visiting the in-laws and wondering how such a wonderful spouse could come from such an odd family. (I am VERY grateful for my in-laws :))

Another reason it is important to understand is the knowledge that you can create and control aspects of your family culture. The following is an example that my husband and I have gone through recently.

My husband and I have had an ongoing conversation since we got married about how I am slow to forgive and he forgives and moves on too easily. I couldn't work out how I could be such a monster and how he just let things go without talking about them. Finally, a couple weeks ago, he got frustrated with something I had said and done and burst out with anger. When he cooled down and we found that it had been a misunderstanding and I had not done anything wrong, I sat there waiting for an apology, only to be disappointed because he had already moved on and thought nothing of his outburst. I, of course, cried because of how rude he had been and he was surprised because he didn't think he had done anything wrong. It turned out to be a matter of culture.

In my family, from the time we were young, we were taught to apologize whenever we did anything wrong that wasn't called for in the situation. That was a big part of our childhood -- doing something rude and then being told to go say sorry and not being allowed to do anything until that had been done (We were sent to our rooms to think about it if we weren't ready to give an honest apology). However, my husband said that in his family, if outbursts occurred that weren't called for, they just moved on and there was nothing to be done about it. I looked back to when we spent time with his family, and I remembered a sibling of his had gotten overly invested in a game that we were playing and spouted a number of rude comments. I felt awkward because they hadn't apologized, but I didn't understand that it was their culture at the time. We had a long discussion about the need for apologies, and it was fruitful. We decided to adopt both cultures by making an honest effort to forgive more easily and apologize more readily.

So that begs the question: Do all cultures meet the same purposes and have the same effectiveness? Are all cultures valid?

I would say no. In our society, we have been told that if we are not accepting of all cultures and ways of life, WE are not valid and WE are incorrect. "The only thing that is wrong is to say that something is wrong." I think that this way of thinking does not allow us to critically think and use the agency, or ability to choose, that our Heavenly Father gave us.

Research has shown that not all family structures and decisions have the same effectiveness on children. Follow this link for more information. While it's true that all cultures are different, it is our job to decide which aspects of which cultures we want to adopt into our families. For me, I would love to adopt the Polynesian way of looking at family, and drop the cultural view that children are sometimes a necessary inconvenience.

Bottom line: Not all cultures are equally valid, and we have the ability to decide what our family culture is going to be. Even if we have already started our family and are well into the years, we can change our culture slowly, but surely.

Family Theories

How much do you know about social sciences? Did you know that they have theories as well? Did you know there is a family science that has developed theories to help them analyze and see families in different lights?

If you did know all of these things, fantastic! I have to admit that before the courses I have taken that study families and marriage, I had not known many of these things. This week in class we discussed the different theories that therapists and social scientists use to analyze families.

What is the difference between a theory, a hypothesis, and a fact? A theory is an explanation of a phenomenon. Phenomenons are simply facts, occurrences, or circumstances observed or observable according to Dictionary.com, and can be as simple as a dog barking. A hypothesis is simply an educated guess that is testable. Another way to think about it would be that it is a prediction that a scientist will continue to investigate. A fact is something that we can see and know. It is indisputable.

The first theory we discussed was the conflict theory. The conflict theory states that all societies, including the family, are characterized by inequality, conflict, and change as groups within the society struggle over resources. As family members, there is always an imbalance of power, and people interact accordingly.

The second theory is the exchange theory. It states that we, as humans, will always attempt to keep our costs lower than our rewards in interaction. It envelops the popular saying "You owe me one". In terms of marriage, it can be the wife saying that they can have sex after the husband helps her clean the house.

The third theory is called the symbolic interaction theory, and it says that humans are primarily cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences. For example, dating, hugging, kissing, etc. all have different meanings between the two people involved. A boy may view himself as asking a girl out on a casual date where they casually kiss at the end to symbolize that he had a good time, but the girl could view the date as a more serious thing and view their kiss as assurance that they are boyfriend-girlfriend.

The last theory is called the systems theory. It states that the intimate group must be analysed as a whole. Families come in varying shapes and forms, and it is important that we view them as a unit that have rules and roles to fill. There are also subsystems inside the system. For instance, in a family consisting of a father, mother, and one child, the subsystems would be the relationship between the father and child, mother and child, and father and mother. Each of these subsystems have their own rules and roles to fill.

The theory that sticks out most to me is the systems theory because there are many roles that are taken on or given to family members, and it is interesting to see which roles need to be filled in a family, and who takes them on and why.

For example, I am the oldest sister of three sisters in my family, but when my parents were getting a divorce I was in college for most of their fighting periods, and then I went on a mission. While I was on my mission, my parents announced their divorce, and my younger sister took on herself the job of comforting my mom. This role was essential for my mom to continue, but because I wasn't there, it naturally fell to the next youngest sister. She did a wonderful job, and my mom has been able to recover from the devastation.

Another role that is needed in a family is the peacemaker. There is generally always someone who takes on the responsibility of being the glue of the family and holding everyone together. This role happens when siblings fight when they are young, and it is also apparent when the family has grown older and the children have moved away. There is someone who brings the family back together and spearheads reunions, etc.

In conclusion, there is are many ways to analyze and create our families. We all have unspoken rules in our families that other families do not follow. We can take the initiative to create those rules when we initially marry, and we can also change the rules when our families are together. Doing this brings unity, and we are blessed and happier as a family.

The Family Ideal

Hello everyone, this is my first-ever official blog post, and I am excited to share some of my viewpoints.

The Ideal Family

There is a document released by the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World". It highlights the roles, purposes, and forms that encompasses an ideal family formation and the way God, our Heavenly Father, desires us to strive for in our own families. 

The language of "The Proclamation" is beautiful and inspiring. However, we know, God knows, and the First Presidency knows that not all families can look as picture perfect as it depicts. 

I mention the Proclamation because I believe with all my heart and mind that it is how God has intended families to be. However, my intent in this blog is to be focused on the secular aspects and study of the family, not specifically religious. I hope that we can explore topics that will be both controversial and brain-stimulating. 

Today I would like to talk about some trends that affect the family as we know it.

I recently watched a documentary presented by byuTV called "New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter". From the documentary, I learned that many in this world believe that the world is reaching the point of overpopulation, and we should do what we can to solve this problem before we go extinct. 

However, it makes the point that although we are still growing in global population, many parts of the world are actually decreasing in population. This may lead to a decrease in our populations that will change our way of life and affect our economy and families. It states that our fear of over population and a greater focus on the self has created different trends in aspects that pertain to family life. 

Trends

Here is a list of some of the relatively recent trend changes in our society in the past 50 years. 

• Pre-marital sex has increased
• Increasing marriage age
• A decrease in the number of children born to a mother
• Increased reports of cohabitation
• Decrease in household size
• An increase in employed moms when their children are ages 0-6
• Increase in divorce
• Increase in unmarried births

These trends have varying rates of importance, but they are causes and effects of one another and damage the way we view the family. 

For example, let's take the increase of pre-marital sex. This trend can and has had an influence on unmarried births, which has had an influence on cohabitation. Contrary to popular belief, research on cohabitation has found that those that get married after cohabitation actually have an increased chance of divorce. Divorce influences household size and potentially the increase in employed mothers when their children are young. Employed mothers can also influence the number of children born to a mother. 

From this, we see that these trends have not helped our families to grow and become families that are self-reliant and function on the highest level possible. 

Life is Unexpected

This semester I am taking a one credit class dedicated to pregnancy, and my teacher is excellent. People outside the classroom probably sit and giggle because the class is always laughing. One comment that stuck in my mind was when she said: "If you had told me at the beginning of my marriage when I was in nursing school that I would have birthed 7 children and adopted 2 more, I would have thought you insane. Life unfolds unexpectedly, and you will be surprised at where you are when you are at my age." 

As I was watching the documentary, I thought about her comment and realized that our lives are so individually different. Although she didn't have any issues with birthing children, I know that others do. 

We should never judge the number of children that others have or place a quota for people to fulfill. The number of children that a couple decides to have is between them and the Lord. However, we should remember in our decision of how many children to have, "that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.... [and] the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets." 

Conclusion

The trends in today's world do not support the growing of the human race, and actually could damage our lifestyles and quality of life. The more we strive for a family with a father and a mother at the head, and children under their care, we will find that we have fulfilled our purpose and helped the world be a bit better.