Parenting

In the family proclamation, church leaders stated that "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live."

Over the past few months, I have gained a greater understanding of the divine role that parents play in their children's lives and how essential it is for parents to actively raise their children.

What are the benefits to parenting children? We learn to problem solve, expand our mind, experience a deeper joy, offer the gospel of Jesus Christ to some of Heavenly Father's children, learn from them, another opportunity to rely on the Spirit, we learn more literally our relationship to Heavenly Father, and we get to do God's will. Another benefit I learned recently is that the learning curve when a child is born is very steep. That curve levels off around age 18, UNLESS they have children and start to active parent. How neat is that?? Parents have another opportunity for growth and development!

So where can we turn to find good examples of parenting?

You guessed it! The Book of Mormon. :)

Think back to the times that you have heard the Book of Mormon stories and read them from the scriptures. Can you think of any examples of parenting? There are a surprising amount as the Book of Mormon is basically a family history. After I finish reading the Book of Mormon for President Nelson's challenge, I want to read it and look for examples of parenting.

Here are 3 ways you can learn from the Book of Mormon about parenting:

1. God directly says this is what you do
2. Examples of parenting (Alma 36-37, teaches about sin and repentance from his experience, teaches about prayer and revelation) (Alma 38, commends his son, encouragement, reins in his son, each child is different, be bold but not overbearing) (Alma 39-42, repent, consequences, justice, mercy, focuses on the consequences of his actions and not the actual action, teaches his son of the things that are worrying him, SUICIDE, not shaming his son but teaching him)
3. Example of God's parenting

I would encourage all parents to read the Book of Mormon to see if they can find good examples of parenting in it that will help them with any issue they might be experiencing. 

The second resource I would suggest is looking up the work of.Michael Popkin, the author of Active Parenting of Teens. He is a psychologist who has done a lot of research on parenting teenagers. I want to highlight a couple of his teachings. 

Popkin states that there are 3 basic styles of parenting:

The first is authoritative parenting, which is associated with the mantra: "You will not do this in my house". Authoritative parents set strict limits with little to no freedom for the teenager to make their own decisions.

The second is the opposite, permissive parenting, which allows the children too much freedom and no limits.

The third, and most desirable, is active parenting which is allowing children freedom within limits. The limits on children grow and decrease based on their capacity to make wise choices.

Popkin states that instead of punishing children, we should allow natural consequences teach children. When natural consequences are not available due to the consequence harming another, the consequences being too far in the future, or too dangerous, Popkin counsels parents to give their children a polite request. If that doesn't work, parent can try using an "I" statement telling the teenager how you feel when they did a certain thing followed by a request to the teen. The next step would be to give a firmer statement (with no threat implied), and if that does not spur action, the parent can issue a logical consequence.

A logical consequence is discussed with the child, and is very clear. It is structured by the parents to help the child understand the natural consequences, and is logically connected to the "crime" they have committed.

What do children learn when we actively parent? It's actually very similar to the list of things that parents learn. Children learn to experience joy, they have an opportunity to receive the gospel, they get to do God's will, they learn how to interact with others, they learn who Heavenly Father is, and they develop problem solving skills.

Parenting is so essential! I hope all parents know how important and needed they are :)